Truthfully, I had the most amazing Christmas weekend ever. My friend, (for privacy sake, we’ll call him D) who is in the Army was home this week. He and I have stayed in touch through written letters, emails, Facebook, etc. since he joined the military and throughout college. He just got back from Afghanistan and will be going to Airborne School come January 1, and then to Germany upon graduation. I was privileged enough to get to spend the majority of my evenings with him the past few days. I had to say goodbye to him last night. It was painful and frustrating because I couldn’t manage to put into words all of the things I was thinking and feeling. I knew it was rough on him too, so I didn’t want to make it any harder by acting childish. I actually was fairly proud of myself for containing the tears until I got back inside the house last night after walking him to his car. I’m not totally comfortable publicizing feelings like this, but I’m a firm believer in the “talking cure“. Since there’s no one to talk to…writing has been my outlet. Obviously, we’ll stay in contact and see each other again…it was just a REALLY good weekend and I wasn’t ready for it to be over. This post only brushes the surface of all that I could write regarding the emotions flooding me right now, but as I said, I’m avoiding details. I guess it’s just so strange for me because I’ve been super hard headed in the past and was almost turned off to the whole idea of having any feelings or emotions…especially in this setting. I had been selfish showing affection in the past and honestly, I was okay with it. I had been perfectly content on my own…I wasn’t willing to deal with another human long enough to get involved. I feel like I’ve made a lot of progress just this weekend, and now that I have it was all pulled out from under me. In all fairness, I knew the circumstances and I didn’t expect any difference in outcome. It just sucks sometimes.
Thanks for letting me vent to you all. This blog is therapeutic.
NEXT post will reveal a winner, so stay tuned! I’m not going to go TOTALLY mushy on you like that without a reward for you putting up with my antics 😉