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In A Funk.

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I hate downer posts as much as the next blogger, but sometimes they just need to happen to get things off my chest.  Things are going so perfectly in some aspects…I get to hear from D at least once a day (typically), the team is preparing for our State Championship game this weekend, and the more I learn about Health & Nutrition through my school work, the more I love it.  Things at home are a different story.  I am 22-years old.  I like to come and go as I please, be able to sit down for a meal when I get home from practice, cook and bake when I feel like it, and have my own agenda in general.  Understandably so, my family also wants to be able to do those things, and since it is THEIR home, obviously they should be able to.  More often than not, this causes conflict if they get home and I’m in the kitchen.  I truly do my best to stay out of their way, but sometimes it’s inevitable that we will need to be in the kitchen at the same time.  I get very stressed out, because I can hear the sighs and eye-rolling as I’m preparing my food.  They just don’t understand why I refuse to make things easy on myself and eat like a “normal” person.    Lately, I feel as though everything I touch, say and do is a mistake.  I get so stressed out, while they stand there waiting me to finish up what I’m doing and get out of their way, that I usually end up rushing, spilling something, or just doing a crappy clean up job resulting in tears streaming down my cheeks and a night kept to myself reading in my bedroom.  I just need some elbow room…you know, just to be me?  I’ve been looking at apartments for awhile now, and I’m thinking it’s soon time.  I just want to finish up my Associates Degree and get my car paid off first, so I have some payments out of the way. 

Okay, therapy over – food time.

Breakfast looked a whole lot like an english muffin & peanut butter, huh?  Think again 🙂  It’s one of my infamous oatcakes cut in 1/2 with banana peanut flour paste.

(Oatcake: 1/3 C. old fashioned oats, 1/2 mashed banana, sugar-free vanilla Torani, cinnamon, 1 egg white, pinch baking powder all mixed together and microwaved for two minutes; Banana peanut flour paste: 1/4 C. peanut flour, other 1/2 mashed banana, pinch of salt, sugar-free vanilla Torani, and water to thin)

 I know that it takes more time and effort to create a lot of my meals, but I think it’s a lot of fun.  Blogging about it is even MORE fun.  This is one of the few things that I do purely for my enjoyment, and I’m sorry, but I’m not willing to give that up.

Lunch was a beastly taco salad!  Meatless and all.

(Chopped lettuce, diced tomatoes, cucumbers, yellow pepper, and onion with Quorn meatless crumbles mixed with Pace salsa and topped off with low-fat Cabot Greek yogurt and more salsa)

Throughout the day, I usually sip on numerous bottles of water.  I contribute to a water fund that provides a Crystal Springs water cooler in our office.  It’s only like $1/day and I DEFINITELY get my money’s worth.  I probably fill up at least 3 times. 

I always snack at my desk, since I know I want to have enough energy to get me through a two hour basketball practice with 1/2 hour of strength training/cardio beforehand.  Vitatops are great because I can just throw them in my bag!  They’re only 100 calories and provide a protein/fiber punch along with lots of vitamins & minerals and are low in fat…not to mention they’re one of my favorite versions of chocolate. 

Right before practice, I try to get some natural sugar in me so that I’m amped up and energetic.  Cherries are a great source of natural sugar and provide Vitamin C and fiber…also considered a SUPER FOOD for your joints!  Not to mention…it’s National Cherry MonthWhy not celebrate? 🙂

3 hrs, 4 min; 968 calories; avg. HR 111

I went straight from practice to my Nutrition class, where I was presenting a healthy dish that I created to share with the class.  Each of us was in one of three groups: Lipids (fats), Proteins, or Carbohydrates.  When I think of complex carbs, I think of grains immediately, so when I saw this recipe on J’s page, I knew I wanted to make it, adapted of course.

It tasted GREAT!  Thanks, J!  Your recipe was a hit.

 There were several other recipes that people brought, and at the end of the semester, we’re going to compile them into a cookbook!  Pretty cool, huh?!  I’ll be sure to share some of my faves with you!

Here was my plate, aka dinner:

(L-R: Broccoli Pesto and Fusilli Pasta, Maple Pumpkin Oat Muffins, Whole Wheat Garden Pizza, Mediterranean Couscous Salad, and in the middle is a Banana Blueberry Smoothie)

Since everything was just a sampling (not an actual serving, or even half for that matter), and I had just burned off about 920 calories, I also had an EAS chocolate protein shake and some celery sticks which I packed in my bag.

I didn’t get home until 10:30 PM from class, so I crashed pretty much immediately.  Of course, my stuff was strewn across my room.  I was exhausted and in no shape to reorganize.  Sorry, family.

XO.

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16 responses »

  1. I totally understand what you mean about the family issue.. that happened to me in the past and still does sometime… i just told my parents honestly how it made me feel and they turly understood.. when they are in the kitchen and making a fuss i just try to be quiet.. make my food and leave.. im so sorry though- it is a tough situation

    Reply
  2. Aw, hang in there Sam. 🙂

    Keep praying and during the time that you have alone, start thinking about what you really need for yourself. If that means living alone, then start making those plans. Your family will still love you no matter what. I hope things get better for you!

    Reply
  3. Aw I totally understand! I love having my own space. I’ve had my own apartment for about a year now and it’s fantastic, but I’m moving in with a couple roommates in a few months. I know it’s going to be a bit of an adjustment, as I have to get used to NOT hogging the kitchen… (I’m not sure where I’m going to put my lightbox, as I’m pretty sure I can’t keep that on the counter… hehe)

    I hope you find the right place soon!

    Reply
  4. Blogging is a great way to vent. Sorry about the downer mood. I love you! On the upside, glad the recipe was a winner ❤

    Reply
  5. Sometimes I feel the same way. My family doesn’t understand why I don’t eat like they do and I always end up making a mess in the kitchen that they get upset about even though I clean up 😦 But they do appreciate the goodies I make them and I try to be quick and efficient when I’m cooking so I don’t bother anyone!

    Reply
  6. DiningAndDishing

    Aw, I’m sorry you’ve been having a tough time lately!! There certainly comes a time when you become an adult and it’s hard to be your own person while living in your family’s home. I hope you find an arrangement that makes you feel happier very soon!

    – Beth @ http://www.DiningAndDishing.com

    Reply
  7. Oh girl, that’s so rough. I can’t imagine how difficult that would be. But definitely hang in there. Know that you are caring for your body the way you need to and that’s important. It’s good that you understand their side of it too, but I can’t imagine that makes things much easier on you. Just know that you have all of us to support you and encourage you. Love ya, girl!

    Reply
  8. I deal with the eye rolling all the time from my mom she doesn’t udnerstand why i can’t eat like everyone else either but I like the positive changes I’ve seen since I started to eat like this! don’t change for anyone if you are happy!

    Reply
  9. I totally understand the family issue. It’s happened to me. I just try to show them it is worth the time for GOOD food. 🙂

    Your Nutrition Class sounds like SO much fun! 😀 I want to go to it! 🙂

    Reply
  10. Wow girl, I can relate to this on so many levels right now. I moved out of my parents house years ago, but for the past 4 months, Toly and I have been living back with them while we are building our house. If you think living there now is hard, just imagine how difficult it is being married and living with your parents. Ugh!! I go through the SAME struggles with the kitchen too. There are so many nights when I just want to cook dinner for me and Toly but my parents are making dinner for themselves. By the time I can get into the kitchen, I’m too hungry or tired to make anything and usually just eat leftovers or cereal.
    I think getting your own place will be fantastic when the time is right. It’s hard but I swear you are making the right decision by paying off your car and finishing your degree first.

    Reply
  11. Girl, I can definitely relate to this. Don’t worry about venting here — there are so many other ppl who probably feel the same way around here, and we know what you mean! Just focus on yourself and getting your degree right now. I know it’s hard, since they’re your FAMILY. I have the same issues with my dad. But sometimes you just have to breathe and realize that behind it all, they do love you.
    ❤ best of luck!

    Reply
  12. They should know you by now. I assume this is nothing new. Don’t worry about what they think. Just as very healthy eaters judge junk food junkies, it’s very common to ridicule with differences.

    Reply
  13. Cheer up, buttercup! I too can relate to this. I lived with my parents for so much of my young adult life. The things you are setting out to accomplish right now will take you so far. Being on your own is fantastic and I know you will love that experience, but make sure your priorities are in order and you don’t overfill your plate. As rewarding as it is to be on your own, it comes at a price.

    It will happen for you soon enough and when you get to that point in your life you will look back and be thankful for the journey that got you there.

    (((HUGS)))
    ~Toni

    Reply
  14. I really feel for you….despite the fact that ya’ll love each other, the environment is becoming toxic (sighs, eye rolling) I can’t wait for you to get your own place. It will make Everything better.

    Reply
  15. Oh Sami! This brought tears to my eyes! I didn’t know you were going through such pain! I am so so so sorry. I can understand the hurt and stress those situations cause; it is why I left my house and why my relationship with my family is so strained. I know talking to them doesn’t help and I know you feel that because they reject your ideas on health/food, they are in a way rejecting you. Don’t ever feel that way! I love you and your family does too! There is a reason this is happening, so just keep praying and believing in yourself! Parents just worry. I think my parents though my reluctance to eat their stuff was a form of me passing a judgement on them, and they just got defensive and quite cruel. This post literally brought tears to my eyes…. I think you are AMAZING and am so glad that you are my sister!!!
    Barbara

    Reply

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